Two days ago, on Valentine’s Day, I visited a cousin’s house. There, I met my niece who was visiting home. She’s typically effervescent and exuberant but on that day, she was veiled in an aura of melancholy. The cause? She had just broken up with her boyfriend of over a year.

She said they had met on a dating app and it all looked promising until it didn’t. That’s life. But what struck me was her poignant admission. My niece, typically possessed of steely resolve, confessed that the process of disentanglement had become an arduous task, despite the passage of several months.

After talking for a while, I found the reason why it was so hard for her to move on  — because she was ‘creeping.’

‘Creeping’ is basically stalking someone on social media such as following someone’s Facebook, Instagram and ‘X’ pages. It was called ‘stalking’ in the early days, now it is called ‘creeping’ to give it a gentler connotation so as to disassociate it with criminal activity.

As I spoke to her, it got me thinking — finding love, keeping it, and getting over it has gotten harder in today’s digital age because the internet never forgets, and social media doesn’t allow you to forget.

Love often begins online these days and even after it’s dead, it lingers on in cyberspace like a digital ghost in the form of an ex’s ‘Facebook story’ that pops up unannounced to traumatise you.  

Dating apps have changed the love and lust game. As I speak to users of dating apps, both young and old, both men and women, their approach to finding a partner has changed.

One doesn’t need the once much-needed courage to break the ice — to walk up to someone you’re attracted to and strike up a conversation.

Butterflies in the stomach have all but become extinct as you don’t have to worry about charm, humour, or the ability to keep a conversation going. Now you just need a smartphone and a finger to break the ice.   

Today’s social media world has also sucked away the joy of discovery. The essence of serendipitous discovery has been eclipsed by social media.

It is so easy to digitally stalk a person that even before you meet them, you know what they do, where they live, what they like, where they have been and who their friends are. If they are an ‘over-sharer’ you will also know what they ate and if they had a good poop earlier in the day.

Maybe, that’s why physical intimacy happens so much sooner than before. After all, you already know so much about each other, what else is left there to discover but the touch?

That’s okay, but conversational discovery assists in ‘quality check’ and helps avoid that sense of ‘regret’ one sometimes experiences post-hasty coitus.

This ease and speed of interaction between sexes assumes a reckless tenor, fraught with perilous ramifications. The effect social media has on the healing process post a break-up is something that must be addressed. Especially among young people.

Before social media, if you broke up with someone, you never saw them again or heard from them. Some would hold on to love letters and maybe a few photos.

If it was a bad breakup, you would just burn them all, talk to your friends, spend time outdoors and eventually in a few months, you forget that person, heal quickly and properly. There was a sense of finality or closure to it all.

Now the ubiquity of social media platforms preserves a lifeline to an ex, perpetuating a cycle of longing and desolation.

If you are in a serious relationship, social media has almost made it impossible to achieve a level of indifference so as to heal fast enough and move forward.

Today, your ex is always somewhere in your mind-space because ever so often they are in your face as Facebook will tell you what’s happening in their life. Though Facebook has a ‘take a break feature’ it’s not very effective if your common friend posts updates.

The other issue is storage. Today with phone cameras and cheap memory space, we save every moment, every experience and every chat, no matter how banal.

It starts with WhatsApp, but it doesn’t end there. Even after the relationship has ended, the shared pics, conversations and cute exchange of kissy emojis on WhatsApp will continue to lure you back, hindering your healing process.

One of the hardest parts of a break-up is accepting that it’s over, but social media keeps us from this part of the process. Algorithms see black and white. But it doesn’t see the grey where human emotions linger.

So, even if you have blocked an ex’s news feeds, they will suddenly pop up to remind you of the happy times. Worse, a mutual friend’s picture pops up showing them at your ex’s wedding!

A broken heart is a wound, and as long as you keep sliding into a former lover’s social media that wound will never heal.

As per a study conducted by Pew Research, a staggering 53 percent of social media users acknowledge resorting to these platforms to surveil their former flames. But the danger is, what may commence as a mere curiosity or a yearning of a broken heart for closure, soon metamorphoses into a maelstrom of emotional turmoil, precipitating feelings of solitude, ire, and betrayal.

In this new world of digital courtship, we all have to re-learn the way we love, the way we hurt and more importantly the way we heal. Youngsters need to know that this too shall pass… But if you don’t digitally cleanse yourself for a while, it shall never come to pass. 

The panacea for afflictions of the heart and mind often lies in communion with the natural world. For me, it has been the walk up Chamundi Hill, amidst the mellifluous melodies of Mynas and Seven Sisters. I hope my niece will join me so the therapeutic cadences of nature can assuage the afflictions of her young and tender heart.

e-mail: vikram@starofmysore.com

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Mysore/Mysuru: Joyalukkas, one of the leading jewellery groups in India, has announced its exclusive ‘BeMine Heart to Heart’ collections for customers on the occasion of Valentine’s Day (Feb.14).

The special collection of unique ornaments and designs based on the theme of love which is illustrated in the form of a heart will make Valentine’s Day more significant. The collection on heart theme includes certified and shimmering diamonds and ruby set in sparkling gold  and rose gold, gorgeous bracelets, earrings, pendants, rings, etc.

‘BeMine Heart to Heart’ collections are crafted with utmost care making them suitable for any occasion and can be worn by gold lovers of all age groups. The special ‘BeMine Heart to Heart’ collections are available across all stores.

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Mysuru choultries report 100 percent bookings 

Mysore/Mysuru: Today (Feb.14) is Valentine’s Day and celebrations were subdued in city, thanks to social media campaigns against the celebrations as there were calls to observe the day in honour of soldiers of Central Reserve Police Force (CRPF) on the second anniversary of the Pulwama terror attack instead of observing the day as Lovers’ Day. 

Forty CRPF personnel had lost their lives in the terror attack after a suicide bomber rammed an IED-laden vehicle into the convoy carrying them on  Feb. 14, 2019. 

On the other side, this year’s Feb. 14 is an auspicious day for events like weddings, naming ceremonies and house-warming ceremonies. As such, all the Choultries and community halls in Mysuru reported 100 percent bookings for weddings. There are 82 Choultries in city and over 130 Choultries in the district and all of them were booked. Moreover, the removal of COVID restrictions on wedding gatherings — now 500 people can gather at a wedding — boosted the ceremonies and attendance. 

According to noted priest Dr. Bhramarambha Maheshwari, Feb. 14 falls on the first Sunday (today) of Maagha Maasa, Thrithiya Dina and Shukla Paksha. It is the most auspicious day for weddings. Chief Priest of Chamundi Hill Temple Dr. N. Shashishekar Dixit told Star of Mysore that according to Hindu Almanac, there are four Sundays in Maagha Maasa and the first Sunday is the most auspicious. 

“All places where river water flows like in Triveni Sangama at Bhagamandala in Kodagu, Srirangapatna, T. Narasipur and other places are considered holy to bathe on this day. People pray and perform pujas to Lord Sathyanarayana on this day,” he said. 

Mysuru District Choultry Owners Association President K.R. Sathyanarayana said that today all the Choultries in Mysuru are booked for weddings. Not only Choultries but community halls, party halls in hotels too are booked. “After the COVID-19 pandemic surfaced in March last year, this is for the first time all the Choultries in Mysuru are booked. But we are following the guidelines and even the people are wearing masks and are sanitising at each step,” he said.

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Two days ago, our world had turned pink. It was Valentine’s Day. It should have turned red but somehow many advertisements were in pink, implying it was targeted at women.

All this pink in the air reminded me of a video circulated in social media where a lady, in an attempt to speak about stereotyping women, starts off by stating, “When a boy is born we deck him up in blue”, then adds, “But when it is a girl, it’s all pink. Why?”

The truth is this women’s pink conundrum is self-inflicted. Why is the breast cancer ribbon pink? After all, men don’t have a blue ribbon for testicular cancer. And why is there a ‘Pink Chaddi’ Campaign? Why not just a ‘Ladies Chaddi’ Campaign?

Also in a world where women want equality, it’s odd that companies advertise in a manner to suggest men must buy things for women on Valentine’s Day. And it’s usually jewellery.

May be, a better Valentine’s gift for women would be to offer men discounted courses in activities that are considered typically women-centric — a free session on ‘home management’ — how to buy vegetables and fruits and how to fix things around the house. This would lead men to appreciate women more and, who knows, in its own way, bring about a sense of equality.

Now, speaking of “home management” classes for men, it reminds us, whatever happened to Home Science classes in schools and colleges?

Home Science or Domestic Science was introduced by the British in India during 1920s. It garnered a lot of interest and by 1938, Madras University had Home Science as a degree –                                                   level course.

Just until a few decades ago, most schools taught basics of cooking and carpentry. Later it became “the diploma course” that made girls more eligible for marriage as it included “family management” and “home décor.”

But over time it was seen as an “anti-feminist” diploma and men too preferred women who were money-makers rather than home-makers. Soon the course lost its charm.

Home Science was described as the science of managing a home —  from managing relationships in a family to home décor to family nutrition to child development. Of course, these skills don’t matter as we have double income households now.

In my family one of my aunts had got a diploma in Home Science and it did make a difference. Her home was well-decorated, well-managed, clutter-free and conflict-free. Even the dishes she served were well-presented and nutritious. She would have a nutrition story for each dish — some were good for the gut, some for the bones and most for the brains.

So maybe there is some truth when people say Home Science is both an art and science. As one Home Science teacher puts it, “When you present a dish in an aesthetic manner it becomes an art. When you ensure that the meal offers a balanced nutritive diet, it becomes a science.”

Of course, with time even syllabus’ change as it should. So now Home Science is less home-oriented and more job-oriented.

It has moved on from subjects such as Food Preservation (guess this is pickling), Meal Planning (guess this means cook with what you’ve got) and Family Dynamics (this we guess means managing the in-laws). Now, Home Science has specialised subjects which include Master’s in Fashion Designing, Textile Designing, Dietetics, Counselling, Social Work, Development Studies, Entrepreneurship and Catering Technology.

But the time has come to go back to the old school Home Science — make people handymen. Two decades ago, many may remember we were taught basic carpentry, plumbing, electrical work and cooking in school. I studied in Demonstration School (DMS) where we were taught this. This made most of us very handy at home. Also students learnt to become self-reliant, understand principles of Maths and Science better and take a project from start to finish.

Now, very few schools teach these “handyman skills” so most older kids today do not know how to fix loose door hinges, toilet seats, change taps, replace simple switches or even light a gas stove.

This lack of knowledge of basic Home Science has generated demand for carpenters, plumbers, electricians and cooks — a demand so high that today you fear your maid more than your boss. In fact, she is the boss of the house. Also, we are unable to reprimand our plumber or electrician even if he comes at his leisure lest he refuses to show up at all.

For a while it didn’t matter that you did not know basic Home Science because these services were inexpensive, but now all these services not only cost money but also time. That is why in most developed nations students are still taught basic Home Science called ‘Shop Class’ and every home has a tool kit and most of them know how to fix basic house problems.   

May be next Valentine’s Day the best gift you could give your partner is buy yourself a tool kit, watch a few do-it-yourself videos and become a handyman. Because in these expensive times being a handyman gets you more brownie points than being a husband.

e-mail: vikram@starofmysore.com

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Mysuru: The city witnessed a low key Valentine’s Day this morning. Gift shops made a brisk business selling greeting cards and gifts mostly for the younger generation.

Police vigil: To thwart any untoward incident, the city Police had deployed personnel at Kukkarahalli Lake, Karanji Lake, Chamundi Hill, near parks in extensions and near colleges.

Handbills distributed: Srirama Sene City Unit President Sanjay distributed handbills among youth near Maharani’s College, JSS Women’s College, SJCE, Marimallappa’s College, Sadvidya College, City Bus Stand and other places indicating that Valentine’s Day celebration was not an Indian Culture making it clear that love is pure and need not be displayed publicly.

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Mysuru: With Valentine’s Day being celebrated tomorrow, City Police have issued an advisory with a warning to youths not to disturb people in the guise of celebrations.

The Police have warned the youths against indulging in illegal activities, organising or taking part in rave parties and not to use narcotic substances such as ganja, opium, charas etc.

The cops have also warned youths opposing the celebrations from staging protests, burning Valentine’s Day greetings and behaving indecently in public places.

Any violations, legal action would be taken against the offenders and the public are requested to call Ph: 0821-2418339 or 100 if they come across any violations, according to a press release from the PRO, City Police Commissioner’s Office, Mysuru.

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It is Valentine’s Day today. But celebrations have turned a low key affair in the city compared to previous years. Couples, who are usually seen walking hand-in-hand and exchanging pleasantries and gifts at some tourist spots, were nowhere to be seen this time.

Normally couples on this day are seen at Mysuru Zoo, Mysore Palace and Karanji Lake, their favourite spots to spend quality time with each other. But, today being Tuesday, both the Zoo and Karanji Lake were closed for public.  

This year, the couples, majority from rural areas, were seen in large numbers at the Chamundi Hill, Nimishamba Temple and Ganjam (both at Srirangapatna) and Nanjangud. A few of the hotels and bakeries had also announced special offers  for couples.

The worst hit lot were vendors who had expected roaring business. They were disappointed as the sale of roses was not up to their expectations. Vendors who had brought roses from Ooty and other places were selling it for a paltry Rs. 15 and Rs. 35.  Prices of roses on Valentine’s Day usually shoot up to Rs. 100 to Rs. 150. Greetings and gift shops wore a dull look with not many boys and girls visiting them. City Police had provided security atop Chamundi Hills and other spots in the city to keep a vigil on activists of a few organisations who are against Valentine’s Day.

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